Spreading Christ’s Word
Of course, Christians hold the eternal truth of salvation, for the Bible has given us the Word of God and his son Jesus Christ. Armed with that truth, we are charged with spreading the Word to all nonbelievers. The Word of God and Christ’s love should be enough to persuade anyone, but sadly you find yourself unable to convince friends and relatives of scripture and the Christian worldview’s value.
Hey, you heathen fudgers! I’m talking about Jesus here!
So frustrating! Don’t worry, Christian, the Church of the Redeemed Whore now hosts the Communicator Of Christian Knowledge MasterClass. The upcoming COCK MasterClass provides both women and men the opportunity to improve communication skills so you will never struggle with the Word of Christ again. I know you’re eager to get started, so let’s see what the COCK MasterClass holds for you.
What will I learn in the COCK MasterClass?
Taking the COCK MasterClass certifies Christian men to spread Christian knowledge through in-person interventions known as Passively Evangelizing Neophytes In Society. Using PENIS, you gently fill strangers with copious amounts of Jesus-talk that makes them hunger more from the Cock Master.
I was a horrible, cheating, lying atheist man convinced there was no room for Jesus in me until I met a COCK Master who worked me with his PENIS techniques.
Me too! As a whoring, atheist, feminazi woman, I didn’t believe the Word of God could penetrate me until I met the COCK Master, who pumped me with joy using his PENIS skills. Amazing!
As Christians, we’re much happier and finally started a family with three kids who would have ended up as abortions because of our heathen beliefs and our children’s questionable paternity. Thanks, Cock Master!
Yes, you could be that COCK Master, filling people with love, joy, and gratitude — but wait, that’s not all!
Men also learn to become Directed Internet Christian Knowledge Saviors. As DICKS, you will digitally spread the Word of Christ to everyone using covert profiles and other means. DICKS aggressively pound social media, right from the comfort of home, using the latest technologies to spew Christ’s love from their firm Christian philosophy. Be assured you will make faith stick by forcing yourself on digital citizens. Sometimes people need the tough love that only DICKS can provide!
Hardworking DICKS are never done! God bless them.
You might think you’re a black woman also with everything you’ll learn in the COCK MasterClass.
What’s that? You Christian ladies feel like you’re left out. Just because God gave men the most responsibility doesn’t mean He forgot you. No, mam! God has plans for you fine Christian women to become Christian Universal Niceness Telegraphers. That’s right! As a warm and inviting CUNT, you’ll pull those heathens deep inside your loving Christian values, even when faced with hostile nonbelievers.
CUNT in Action!
Excuse me! Does that wall belong to you? Should you really be writing Black Lives Matters on that wall? You know that’s illegal, don’t you? Do I need to call the police?
She made that look easy, but don’t fret. Once you learn to be a CUNT you’ll rub people the right way too. Whether strangers or your special friends from church, CUNTS make everyone happy believers!
Where do I sign up?
Right here, folks, at the Church of the Redeemed Whore with me, Pastor Christian T. Roll. Every Thursday night, join those PENIS-wielding DICKS and eager-to-friend CUNTS for a fun-filled evening of learning taught by a veteran COCK Master.
Don’t be heathens! Take the COCK MasterClass and learn to be the DICKS and CUNTs Jesus desires!