Knowing one’s self can be daunting knowledge to possess
There Is a Beast In Me...
...that I feel exists in all men or at least in enough others to lend me some kind of forgiveness for my many beastly acts. Trying to fully grasp the Self that makes us up can be a daunting task but as part of Ego Integrity it’s a vital and necessary step.
I have apologized at various levels of sincerity, hypocrisy, and thinly masked disdain for some of my more beastly acts. Sometimes I have felt truly guilty, ashamed and bad about my Self for such acts.
But other times, to be honest, often while delivering these apologies, I’ve been thinking silently in such moments of my faux humility and contrition, “What did you think would happen when you chose to be with a beast?” Never mind that I had always kept my beast as well-hidden as my conventional, middle-class upbringing had taught me to manage.
For most of my life I have neglected to accept or admit that my beast was here: Violent, sexual, selfish, crazed, and ravenous. The beast is rarely good company and frequently far more dangerous to you than you can imagine.
The beast in myself and the beast I have glimpsed in others, is sometimes well-hidden and full of stealth. We needn’t be standing in a dark corner on a foggy night, not so much thinking about your demise as simply waiting for the right moment to help it along.
The beast in us is a predator.
The beast in us is a seducer.
The beast in us is a shadow.
The beast in us may or may not know the difference between right and wrong, or truth and lies, but to the beast these distinctions are irrelevant, all that matters is feeding our beasts.
The beast in us has many hungers and a constant need to eat souls or flesh and usually both.
There is a beast in me that I suspect lives in all men and all women. Or at least in a great many of us; I see it often, in the eyes and words and actions of my fellow beasts.
It is still here.
It will always be here.
Approach me at your own risk. Indeed, approach anyone with a sense of risk because odds are that their beast of Self is approaching you as well.
This is the last warning you’ll get from me.
The Beast casts a dark shadow. Once you have encountered him, you won’t forget it.
The Psychopathic Checklist
Accepting and understanding the dark, beastly side of ourselves is a necessary step to changing, or at least controlling our worst impulses
So, rather nervously I admit, I recently gave myself the Psychopathic Checklist.
The way it works is, if you score 20 or more you’re a psychopath.
Naturally, I gave myself the benefit of the doubt on a few of the items. But in the end, I scored only a 6.
Plenty of room for additional markers if some picky ass-hat wants to try.
Therefore if you call me a psychopath I’ll kill you and your whole family, and I won’t feel a bit bad about it.
I think that’s only fair, don’t you agree?
Getting ready to go out into the world. Beast well hidden.