Ted Cruz’s Guns for Kids Education Program

Ted Cruz’s Guns for Kids Education Program

A new federal education program sponsored by Ted Cruz.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz spoke to the press recently, and the fake news outlets like Newsweek misquoted him, compelling me to take some time today to explain what the good Senator really meant. God-fearing Christians like Ted Cruz are the backbone of our Constitutional rights, protecting our need to have guns. When Senator Cruz suggested having more security and arming teachers, he was not allowed to finish explaining his goal to make schools safer. Had the Senator been allowed to finish speaking, America would have learned about his new Guns for Kids Education Program. Democrats have long accused Republicans of warmongering and not wanting to spend money on education, but Guns for Kids proves these accusations false. Cruz proposes combining military and education spending in one budget to enhance learning and school safety.

The GOP is prepared to spend billions in government defense contracts to protect our children!

Imagine having your children picked up and delivered to their school on a secure bus. No bad guy is going to stop these kids from getting to school and learning when they’re riding the new M1A1 Abrams School Bus. 

M1A1 Abrams buses pack a wallop to any bad guys with guns trying to stop this depleted uranium-plated school bus.M1A1 Abrams buses pack a wallop to any bad guys with guns trying to stop this depleted uranium-plated school bus.

School transportation is just the beginning of the good Senator’s plan. Next, your children will be delivered to a secure, nondisclosed, nuclear-hardened facility protected by miles of scorching desert and landmines to keep out the bad guys.

Just let a bad guy try to find and enter this nuclear-hardened learning institute armed with howitzers.
Just let a bad guy try to find and enter this nuclear-hardened learning institute armed with howitzers.

Once children arrive at the fortress of learning at the beginning of the school year, their armed teachers assign them guns along with creationist science-based textbooks. Who says Republicans don’t like spending money on education?

When it comes to educating our children, the GOP spares no expense!

Just look at Suzie studying hard with her .357 magnum derringer at the ready. She even brought some extra ammunition from home for extra safety. That’s a diligent soldier and student!

Guns for Kids contracts military companies to furnish guns for all ages and genders because the GOP values diversity!
Guns for Kids contracts military companies to furnish guns for all ages and genders because the GOP values diversity!

Guns for Kids adds billions of dollars to school security, creating classroom shelters within the learning fortress. Each classroom is fortified, but if a bad guy enters the school, the class can remain safe with air recyclers, two months of rations, and drinking water. Using Senator Cruz’s brilliant strategy, classrooms have only one entrance hermetically sealed at the start of class. Funding for the secured room also pays for highly-educated teachers trained in the ways of the gun.

Guns for Kids will spend billions making kids safe with gunslinging teachers and fortified classrooms!
Guns for Kids will spend billions making kids safe with gunslinging teachers and fortified classrooms!

Guns for Kids takes into account more than just school security. We spent billions to uphold our Constitutional right to bear arms and stop the bad guys by combining best education practices with military strategy. Children cannot learn on an empty stomach the same way soldiers cannot fight when hungry, and schools now supply free meals for all kids.

If these meals get you through a war, they’ll get you through a school day.
If these meals get you through a war, they’ll get you through a school day.

If that were not enough, the godly Senator Cruz included in this new program funding for emergency high caliber guns strategically placed within easy reach throughout the education facilities. If a bad guy gets past the outside security, and the gunfire from the sharpshooting teachers and kids doesn’t stop him, then he is a really bad guy deserving of full-auto justice. Children needing more firepower can easily access one of the many Peewee Miniguns, even in the locker rooms.

Peewee miniguns fire six-thousand 7.62 mm rounds of ammo per minute, enough to stop the most stubborn bad guys.
Peewee miniguns fire six-thousand 7.62 mm rounds of ammo per minute, enough to stop the most stubborn bad guys.

If all those benefits of the Guns for Kids program were not enough, Senator Cruz took time from his busy schedule to speak to our children to make them aware of the bad guy threat and the new initiative’s solutions.

Senator Cruz explains to students the new Guns for Kids program.
Senator Cruz explains to students the new Guns for Kids program.

There you have it folks. Senator Cruz has shown the liberals that our children can be made safe from the bad guys using Republican values. 

Pastor Christian T. Roll Copyright 2022

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