Christian Safe Zones

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Christian Safe Zones

Protecting Free Speech

Remember the days when you could let your kids play in the yard and not have to worry about a filthy, feminist man-hater trying to “woke” them? I remember those days, and so do the good folks at Christian Safe Zones.

Pastor Christian T. Roll

Hey, folks! Pastor Christian T. Roll here with an important message to keep your family safe from the feminist, communist, homosexual, atheist attack on freedom of speech, called, “Cancel culture!”

Christians everywhere face the danger of liberal, atheist, feminist, homosexual communists accusing us of not being “woke,” but they really intend to destroy freedom of speech, America, and Christianity. Luckily, Christian scientists using the latest technologies created a solution.

Christian Safe Zones

Christian Safe Zones are portable free speech protection devices that allow Christians to speak their minds without fear of cancel culture or “woke” people. Each device allows encrypted communication between approved Christians while blocking the prying, non-Christian’s ears.

Christian Safe Zones
How Christian Safe Zones Work

Don’t think you need a Christian Safe Zone? Think again.

No one is safe! Not even at home.

Disgraced Judge Michelle Odinet says, “Who would have thought Christians need to protect free speech in the privacy of the their own homes.”
An emotionally devastated Michelle Odinet after being forced to retire her Judgeship when the “woke” accused her of racism in her own home!

How horrifying is that, Christians?

Sadly, stories like Judge Michelle Odinet reflect the ever-present danger of cancel culture and the urgent necessity for Christian Safe Zones. Wokeness knows no mercy and endangers good Christian children with daily cancellation. Imagine a friendly after-school soccer game resulting in your son being kicked off a team and disciplined by school authorities — just for some locker room talk!

Good thing Danny wore his Christian Safe Zone.
Good thing Danny wore his Christian Safe Zone.

Christian Safe Zones are more than just portable personal devices and protect the whole family or any group with the company’s aptly named “Small-Town Safe Zones.” These all-weather, durable, expandable Small-Town Safe Zones come in many sizes to accommodate and allow free speech for three to fifty God-fearing Christians.

Go have a great day at the park again, Christian! Your speech is protected.

Family in the park chanting white power using a Christian Safe Zone.
Christian Safe Zones offers Small Town Packages in all different sizes to fit your needs. Ask about our extra-large Christian Safe Zones for rallies. Good for Trump or Klan.

If you think Christian Safe Zones only protect free speech at home, school, and work, you are wrong. Christian Safe Zones don’t just protect personal free speech; they help enforce it in the public square. All over the US, Christian Warriors use this technology to coordinate the fight against the cancel culture’s tyranny that threatens free speech, even to protect non-Christians because all lives matter!

Christians pretending to be BLM supporters to dox protestors.
Christian Warriors Fighting For Free Speech, Using Christian Safe Zones


No more fear of persecution by the “woke” or having your family canceled. Today, you take back your free speech and join the ranks of the Christian Warriors by purchasing your Christian Safe Zone.

Christian T. Roll wearing a bubble on his head: Christian Safe Zone.

I don’t just recommend Christian Safe Zones; I use them!

Fake Buy button for Christian Safe Zones


The Church of the Redeemed Whore in no way advertises Christian Safe Zones, and though Pastor Christian T. Roll appears to be giving a sermon in the Church of the Redeemed Whore, he is actually recommending this product — NOT the Church. The Church of the Redeemed Whore is not responsible for the safety of Christians using Christian Safe Zones and has no opinion on this product.

Jesus Fish

Photos by Patrick Fore, Debra Brewster, Artem Kniaz, Jason Goodman, & Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona

Pastor Christian T. Roll Copyright 2022
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