Unborn-again Christians face many challenges. Don’t struggle with the Jesus Junk.
Tired of your kids suffering the Christ nightmares?
Sick of explaining the Jesus junk?
Feeling the stress of being unborn-again?
Still struggling to get life back to normal after leaving Christianity?
Here at Christian Pollution, we recognize the hard work required to remove yourself from Christianity, and now we’re going to help you get that religion out of your life once and for all with our latest technology.
Jesus Junker Specifications
Made from solid aluminum alloy, the Jesus Junker will turn all your Jesus junk to mulch without breaking down or needing repairs. Built with a powerful engine to spin numerous stainless steel blades, the Jesus Junker makes light work of all your Christian clutter.
- Turns Jesus junk into mulch but can also granulate into fine sand or make kindling for your fireplace.
- Junks religious toys, knick-knacks, books, photos, paintings, Christmas decorations, pamphlets, and so much more.
- Chops and dices all manner of multilevel marketing including: makeup, food, clothing, perfume, hair supplies, motivational literature, success videos, and many more.
- One hundred horse-powered engine runs on solar lithium batteries or standard 240v wall socket to keep the Jesus Junker making mulch.
- Lightweight construction allows the Jesus Junker easy movement to where you need it most.
- Best of all — it’s guaranteed for life!
No more trips to the dump!
No problem! Christian Pollution thought of everything, and we designed the Jesus Junker to handle every kind of Christian you can imagine, especially evangelicals. Throw all that Trump and MAGA idolatry into the junker and watch it disappear into mulch.
The Jesus Junker makes mulch of guns, propaganda, ceramic political toys, and even stone Confederate statues!
Not to worry! We built the Jesus Junker with sustainability in mind, and as the Jesus junk moves through the machine, plastics and other environmentally unsafe elements filter into a separate reservoir. All you do is pull the bag and toss the recyclables.
Wait! There’s more!
Not only does the Jesus Junker rid you of all those daily reminders of Christianity and free up space in your home, but it can save you money. That’s right! Just set the Jesus Junker to Kitty, and you’ll never again pay for kitty litter.
It will be a blessing for your wallet and cat!
If your cat’s satisfied, just wait until your friends and neighbors come over and use that mulch to help build a lush, beautiful garden. Jesus Junkers don’t just get rid of all that religious crap; they help build community.
Quit tripping over that Jesus junk and make your home liveable again so you can stop stressing and get back to the fun of life. Most importantly, end your children’s nightmares by turning that Jesus junk into something positive.
Get your Jesus Junker today!
Jesus Junkers, in rare instances, have been associated with fatalities of Christians who attempted to save the Jesus junk by leaping into the Junker. Please refrain from using the Jesus Junker in the presence of Christians to avoid accidents. If you live in an area heavily infested with Christians, please consider using the Jesus Junker with our Christian Motels.
Jesus Junkers, in some instances, were also associated with the accidental death of Mormons. Please remove Mormons from the bikes before making mulch of the bikes.
Original Photos by Kelly Sikkema, Jay Argame, Simi Iluyomade, Kelsey Chance, Colton Sturgeon, Glen Carrie, Arwan Sutanto, Andrik Langfield, and Brian Lundquist on Unsplash.