Why Christians Needn’t Fear This Whole “Nuclear War” Thing

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Why Christians Needn’t Fear This Whole “Nuclear War” Thing

Hallelujah and shit...

When the Bombs detonated, in D.C. and New York, it took several minutes way out here on the left coast, before we even knew anything about it. I’ll tell you the truth, though, no one seemed to feel too bad about all the politicians being vaporized. I mean the good God-fearin’ ones were okay no matter what and the rest . . . who cared?

I mean, we weren’t pleased, Of course,

But congress being blown to smithereens along with the President and his cabinet and all that shit, and the media and the really rich captains of industry and lawyers, all of them, zapped out of existence in those big flashes… Let’s just be honest and admit that most people were more angry about the interruption to their favorite T.V. Programs (Hell, we were ankle-deep in a really excellent Christian Crime mini-series about a school-shooter and the dog that loved him, but I digress).

As I was saying, most people were mostly just pissed-off that somebody had the audacity to actually drop the bombs on us after all we’d done to make the world a better place and safe for freedom-loving Christian democracies and such.

Anyway, after a few weeks of confusion and inconvenience, everything went back to pretty much normal.

And we all realized that this whole nuclear bomb thing was, like, wayyyy over-rated, Not really that big a deal at all.

We got some new politicians, mostly guys competing to show how much more mad they were than their opponents at whoever had bombed us: Amazingly intense, mostly older white dudes, foaming at the mouths and spitting all over the place, heck they coulda been TV evangelists or selling stain-removers, — they were THAT good and that anxious to prove it by us dropping atom bombs on all the various countries that might have bombed us first.

We were never real clear about who that was, so we just fucked them all up.

You can never be too safe!

And then, like I said, everything went back to sorta normal.

There were some GREAT sales on slightly radioactive goods from the eastern seaboard,

Cool shit that glowed in the dark, REALLY amazing prices

And why not, We heard some mumbo-jumbo from the so-called “Scientific Community” about so-called “Health-risks” but, you know, nobody has paid attention to any of that since the last half a dozen COVIDs. After all, we’re ‘Mericans, our motto is, “Nobody lives forever.” (unless they love Jesus enough, of course).

Personally, and this is just my view, one man’s opinion, although I think many of my fellow citizens share it, There’s nothing to worry about in regards this whole nuclear annihilation thing. Don’t sweat it, it’s all okay.

Seriously, don’t even think about it.

Now gas prices, that’s a whole new ballgame; “Hang Mike Pence!!! HANG MIKE PENCE!!!”

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