Miracles Happen mostly when we decide something unexpected and/or unusual is miraculous. Miracles are the simple-minded adults’ version of a child’s magical thinking.
See What Happens When the Easter Bunny Stares up at Jesus Rising Into a Fuckin’ Cloud?
Happy Easter, Motherfuckers!
Revenge is a dish best served Irresponsibly
One of the coolest pics ever:
The wide, long, large swath of my disastrous personal approaches to both romantic relationships and bad luck with women named “Sherry,” (As Bogart mighta put it, “We’ll always have Colfax.”
Daddy loved all my loves to various degrees, including a psycho gymnast.
Also, I dated another “Sherry,” who, like so many others, disliked the way our relationship ended. Only she tried to ruin my life numerous times, to various degrees of success but ultimately failed.
Ha-Ha-Ha, valley girl Sherry.
How’s that eating disorder going? You got any teeth left?
Remember, darlin’ “The best revenge is a good life.”
Xoxo
TEXAS CHRISTIANITY
After concluding the family living there didn’t follow the Bible, a Texas man sets house on fire.
HOW DO YOU SAY THANKS TO SUCH GENEROSITY?
“It’z the Only’est Book I need”
When you think of it: a neighbor, so concerned for the biblical well-being of the folks’ souls living there that he’s willing to burn their house down, kill everyone inside and catch a 20-years-to-life prison sentence for his’self to save all them by golly, that’s TEXAS hospitality r’ught ther’.
YOU BETCHA!!!
They tell me, “Hey, you got the Bones of Thomas Jefferson and Life of Bill Gates” and they are sooo fuckin’ right
The U.S. Constitution was typed up by Thomas Jefferson.
Despite the fact that doc.x being only 47 tiny pages booklet, is utterly a mystery to the same idiots who spout alleged devotion to Jesus H. Christ, in spite of how few actual words printed in red they’ve not read in the the second half of that other famous doc they’ve never read.
Thomas Jefferson was a man of his times who owned human beings with whom he had sex despite his definition of them as sub-human (pretty much). making his babies into slaves and writing about freedom and justice and etcetc.
He also sold his collection of books to the Library of Congress after it was burnt down by the British in the War of 1812, during what the Brit’s likely described as a “peaceful protest.”
Bill Gates made a great deal of money by his genius, ruthlessness (I imagine) and has subsequently tried to help make the world a better, healthier place for poor people.
Go figure, huh? However, a wide swath of idiots (see stanza #1 above) think Bill Gates wants to help dark forces follow them around because they wanna save the 2nd amendment to the constitution they’ve never read so that they can invade the capitol and dance on the bones of Thomas J.
Pretty obviously anyone with the capacity for wonder and amazement at the incomprehensible stupidity of man (NOT talkin’ to you Christian faithful) has a lot to be thankful for and to be giving thanks about for whatever, today.
Eat-up and drink-up my fellow patriotic citizens, and all you other idiots as well.
For His Sake and Yer Own
Let’s think this thru
Faith in shit that breaks the rules of physics, love, death, nature, common sense, and scientific inquiry? For Christ’s sake, come on, knock it off.
The Gods do not exist and they are always against us
Yes, I’m afraid it’s true
Last night I watched my Seattle Mariners who I love and hate in equal measure (much the same way I feel about “the gods”).
In the first and fourth innings they loaded the bases twice and got a grand total of one run out of it.
I turned the channel in frustration and a feeling of doom.
As it so often occurs, my escape from the pain happened just before the M’s scored 3 runs in the fifth inning for a 4-zip lead.
If I’d stuck with them I’d have witnessed this and felt great relief.
But as it was, going to sleep I thought their lead was still just 1-nothing and I was ruminating, all night long, about those blown chances to put the game away.
Not to worry, the rather pathetic Kansas City Royals, (yes, from the ruby red, fly-over state of fuckin’ Missouri) scored 5 runs in the 6th inning and another run in the 8th to beat Seattle 6–4.
Clearly there are no Gods and equally clearly they are savagely against me and my efforts to break my addiction to the deeply masochistic horrors of true blue fandom.
I tell you, as a 73 year old man who hopes to see 74 — I don’t like my odds.
The gods, who don’t exist, have got it in for me.
How could anyone doubt it?
A Brief Foray into The Mind of God and ALL Knowledge and Knowing
Yer welcome.
I know everything.
Every. Thing.
I know what you’re thinking (of course, I would know, wouldn’t I — after all, I know everything). And I know I sound like a smart-ass, conceited jerk. But I’m not. I just know stuff.
I’m like a magician; an amazing magician. I know every trick in the book and all the tricks that aren’t in any book yet. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you’re awake. I know when you’ve been bad or good . . . heck, you know the rest of that one.
If you ask me the winning lottery numbers in the Big Bang National Lotto taking place sixty-two years from this Saturday (worth $106 kazillion dollars) I wouldn’t tell you, but I could. If you wanted to know which team is going to win the next Superbowl, or which horse the next Kentucky Derby — yep, I know that already too (although I won’t name a single player on that Superbowl team nor a single jockey in that race . . . I’ll explain in just a minute).
I know exactly the second your sun is going to just burn out and be gone, like somebody clicked off a light switch. Of course, on that day, the Earth and all of the other planets that revolve around the sun will go flying off into space like grains of sand tossed up into the wind (okay, they’ll be BIG grains of sand, but you get the picture).
I know everything else there is to know about everybody and everything so far.
So far.
Ah, there’s the rub.
I know everything there is to know about folks, except what’s gonna happen to you next. Bummer, huh? You think it’s bad, think of how frustrated I get!
Your future, every human’s future, is the one part of the universe, the only part that I can’t see. Everything else, I got down pat.
The truth is human futures can’t be predicted.
The reason I don’t know what’s gonna happen next in people’s lives is that you make choices. All humans do. After you’ve made a choice, like the decision to wear a silly looking hat or to blow your brains out, to steal a candy bar or pray for help — AFTER you’ve made your choice, I know about it. But when free will is involved, I’m powerless to do anything.
You’d think that somebody who’s seen as much as I’ve seen would have my act together. I mean, nothing in life exists without its opposite, right? Night and day, bitter and sweet, kind and cruel, pumpkin-n-pie. I know exactly how everybody who’s ever lived, or who’s still living, got to be themselves. Hindsight’s 20/20. But the truth is, smart as I am, I’m still kind of a mess. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, I get a little hyper, a little goofy. I hate to break the news to you, but the voice of the universe does speak in glitches every so often, at least it does when I’m it.
Something else to think about, as smart as I might sound, the fact is, some day you’ll be as smart as me. Once you’re dead, everything I know, you’ll know too. Course, there’s the catch, the trade-off for being so crash-hot “wise” is that you gotta be dead to be it.
Go In Peace To Love and Serve the Lord
Yep.
Go.
No, really, beat it.
Peace, Love, Serve, what-the-fuck-ever, but above all else, by all means,
GO!
