Every year, Christians remind us of their religion with their Jesus-talk concerning Christmas’ “true importance,” but Christian Pollution reveals the true savior — Santa! Christians claim Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ and his so-called miracles, yet Santa takes centerstage with his toy delivery achievement. Using nine tiny, magic reindeer pulling a flying sled, Santa delivers toys to all the children of the world and asks almost nothing in return! The evidence is clear, Santa is more deserving of faith than Jesus.
Santa v. Jesus
Unlike the Christian savior, Santa doesn’t require kids to sit in a boring church or pray, just that they be good by not being mean. Santa doesn’t require kids to believe their LGBTQ peers are an abomination fit only for pity or killing. Santa doesn’t care whether those kids are gay, straight, or anything about their gender, just that they don’t bully people, hurt others’ feelings, steal, or commit any of the many universally bad acts. He only asks that kids be good, for goodness sake.
Jesus could learn something from Santa, don’t you think?
Come to think of it, Santa doesn’t require any beliefs like Jesus, such as women surrendering bodily autonomy, forcing absurd binary gender views on other people (especially kids), expecting women to submit spiritually to men (since they must be too stupid to read the bible), or commanding everyone to convert others to Christianity under the threat of eternal damnation that somehow amounts to freewill.
Santa also doesn’t demand blind faith in paradoxical thinking that claims the United States was born out of Christian faith and meant to be governed by Christians despite the Constitution’s explicit guarantee of religious freedom for everyone. No, Santa would never make such an absurd demand, especially with the preponderance of evidence showing the country’s founders purposely separated Church and State to avoid theocracy and religious oppression. Santa never expects us to believe such lies nor partake in the corruption of our government by allowing Churches to own hospitals, taking public funds supposedly to help individuals harmed financially or otherwise by the coronavirus, and engaging in other profitable activities disguised as charity. Most importantly, Santa doesn’t require us to accept these liars’ hate speech as equally important opinions, like those of racists, white supremacists, authoritarians, bigots, INCELs, fundamentalists, and political sycophants just because they call themselves Christians.
Santa just calls them bad people!
The list of Santa’s abolute love continues growing in his benevolent wisdom that doesn’t mandate we enforce stupidity. Santa would never demand we give unconditional freedom to anyone with a dollar so they may buy assault rifles while we refuse to provide the mentally ill care and ostracize diverse people to the point of madness, so we may scratch our heads in horror when yet another school, store, or event becomes a blood-drenched massacre. For sure, Santa doesn’t try to deflect responsibility for these horrific acts by claiming they are the result of removing bibles from public schools! No, Santa is much too honest and caring to be as cruel as Jesus.
Santa Wins!!
Despite the abundance of evidence showing Santa deserves our faith more than Jesus, we need not pray to the great toy giver. Unlike Jesus, Santa doesn’t want your prayers or even your belief. He only asks that you just be good to be good — no strings attached. This Christmas, don’t say a prayer to Jesus. Show Santa your support, perhaps write him a letter to thank him, and make sure your blessings go to the guy most deserving.
Dear Santa,
We love you! Kick his ass and Merry Christmas!
Thanks,
Christian Pollution
