Family myths and contradictions are a great source of entertainment and amusement for many people. They provide a sense of identity, belonging and history that can be cherished and passed on to future generations. They can also be used to justify all kinds of behaviors, decisions and attitudes that might otherwise be questioned or challenged. But what are the drawbacks of blindly accepting these stories without examining them critically? What are some of the biggest problems with an unexamined acceptance of family myths and contradictions?
Problem #1: You might end up living a lie.
One of the most obvious problems with accepting family myths and contradictions uncritically is that you might end up living a lie. For example, you might believe that your great-grandfather was a war hero who saved hundreds of lives, when in fact he was a deserter who fled from the battlefield. Or you might think that your grandmother was a saint who devoted her life to charity, when in fact she was a con artist who swindled people out of their money. Or you might assume that your parents had a happy marriage, when in fact they hated each other and cheated on each other constantly. These are extreme examples, but they illustrate the point that family myths and contradictions can distort the truth and create false impressions of reality. By accepting them without question, you might end up living in a fantasy world that has nothing to do with who you really are or where you came from.
Problem #2: You might miss out on learning from your ancestors’ mistakes.
Another problem with accepting family myths and contradictions uncritically is that you might miss out on learning from your ancestors’ mistakes. For example, you might believe that your uncle was a successful businessman who made a fortune in the stock market, when in fact he was a gambler who lost everything in a bad deal. Or you might think that your cousin was a genius who invented a revolutionary device, when in fact he was a fraud who stole someone else’s idea. Or you might assume that your sibling was a prodigy who graduated from college at the age of 16, when in fact he was a dropout who forged his diploma. These are also extreme examples, but they illustrate the point that family myths and contradictions can hide the failures and flaws of your relatives and prevent you from learning from their experiences. By accepting them without question, you might end up repeating their mistakes or missing out on opportunities to improve yourself.
Problem #3: You might alienate yourself from other people.
A third problem with accepting family myths and contradictions uncritically is that you might alienate yourself from other people. For example, you might believe that your family is superior to everyone else and look down on anyone who does not share your views or values. Or you might think that your family is persecuted by everyone else and distrust anyone who tries to help you or befriend you. Or you might assume that your family is unique and special and isolate yourself from anyone who does not understand you or appreciate you. These are also extreme examples, but they illustrate the point that family myths and contradictions can create a sense of arrogance, paranoia or exclusivity that can damage your relationships with others. By accepting them without question, you might end up lonely, bitter or resentful.
What are the biggest lies we tell ourselves about family love?
Daddy said he fuckin’ loves you, what the hell more do you want?
We all know that family love is the most precious and unconditional thing in the world, right? Wrong. Family love is actually a big fat lie that we tell ourselves to cope with the fact that we are stuck with people who don’t really care about us, who judge us, who manipulate us, and who make us miserable. Here are some of the biggest lies we tell ourselves about family love, and why they are so harmful.
Lie #1: Blood is thicker than water.
This is the classic lie that we use to justify staying loyal to our family members, no matter how toxic they are. We think that because we share some DNA with them, we owe them our respect, our support, our time, and our money. We think that we have to put up with their abuse, their criticism, their demands, and their drama. We think that we have to sacrifice our happiness, our dreams, our goals, and our values for them. But guess what? Blood is not thicker than water. It’s just a liquid. And it doesn’t mean anything if the people who share it with you don’t treat you with love, kindness, and respect. You have the right to choose who you want to have in your life, and who you want to cut off. You have the right to set boundaries, to say no, to walk away, and to protect yourself from harm. You have the right to love yourself more than you love your family.
Lie #2: Family always comes first.
This is another lie that we use to convince ourselves that we have to prioritize our family over everything else in our life. We think that we have to put our family’s needs, wants, opinions, and expectations above our own. We think that we have to neglect our friends, our partners, our hobbies, our passions, and our careers for them. We think that we have to give up on our personal growth, our mental health, our physical well-being, and our happiness for them. But guess what? Family does not always come first. You do. You are the most important person in your life, and you deserve to live a life that fulfills you, that excites you, that challenges you, and that makes you happy. You deserve to have people in your life who support you, who encourage you, who inspire you, and who make you happy. You deserve to have a balance between your family and your other aspects of your life. You deserve to put yourself first.
Lie #3: Family love is unconditional.
This is the biggest lie of all. We like to believe that our family loves us no matter what. That they accept us for who we are. That they forgive us for our mistakes. That they support us in our choices. That they celebrate us in our successes. That they comfort us in our failures. That they stand by us in our struggles. But guess what? Family love is not unconditional. It’s conditional. It’s conditional on how well we fit into their mold of who they want us to be. It’s conditional on how much we agree with their views of how we should live our life. It’s conditional on how much we please them, obey them, serve them, and praise them. It’s conditional on how much we don’t challenge them, confront them, question them, or expose them. It’s conditional on how much we don’t disappoint them, anger them, hurt them, or embarrass them. Family love is not unconditional. It’s conditional on how much we don’t love ourselves.
So what can we do about these lies? How can we break free from them and live a life of authentic love? The answer is simple: We have to stop lying to ourselves. We have to stop believing these lies and start telling ourselves the truth. The truth is: We are not obligated to love anyone who doesn’t love us back. We are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but our own. We are not defined by anyone’s expectations but our own. We are not limited by anyone’s opinions but our own. We are not bound by anyone’s rules but our own.
Families express their “love” in lots of different ways
We have to start loving ourselves more than we love our family, or at least realizing the myths we tell ourselves about family love are not handed down by an imaginary daddy in the sky. You’re on your own kids. Deal with it.
