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Understanding the prevalence of CCCODs
The term "Chronic Christian Cognitive Obstructive Diseases" (CCCODs) has become increasingly common in recent years as an umbrella diagnosis for a variety of Christian Cognitive disorders. From articles on social media to personal stories shared online, it seems like everyone knows someone diagnosed with one of these conditions. But just how prevalent are CCCODs and how dangerous are they?
While it's true that cognitive diseases, such as Alzheimer's and dementia, affect millions of people worldwide, CCCODs are old illnesses that effect more than half of the US population. You read that correctly.
More than half!
The prevalence of these diseases can be attributed to the spread of misinformation disseminated, mainly by Christians who suffer CCCOD. Whether Christians are hiding their ignorance disease or if denial is a symptom remains unknown, but in either case they spread disinformation about the causes of their ignorance.
It's important to approach the notion of CCCODs with caution. You should never listen to any discussions concerning CCCODs unless they come from physicians or medical institutions. Without proper diagnosis and medical evaluation, you will likely harm yourself by believing common misinformation.
Common Misinformation about CCCODs
One of the main reasons why CCCODs have spread so rapidly is due to common misconceptions. Misinformation easily enters our lives through various channels, and when it comes to health, it's particularly important to separate fact from fiction. Let's explore some of the most prevalent misinformation surrounding CCCODs and why they may not hold up under scrutiny.
The belief CCCODs result from excessive screen time or exposure to technology is a common misconception. While it's true that excessive screen time can have negative effects on our cognitive health, it's important to remember that not all cognitive issues can be attributed to this factor alone. Other lifestyle factors, genetics, and underlying medical conditions can all play a role in the development of cognitive diseases. However, there is a relationship between prevalence of CCCODs and excessive reading of the Christian Post, FOX News, and many other heavily Christian-influenced media outlets that pretend to be unbiased sources of news and current events.
Another misconception is the refusal to believe one suffers from CCCODs and that their problems can be cured or managed solely using natural remedies, dietary supplements, or prayer. While a healthy lifestyle and certain dietary choices can contribute to overall brain health, they cannot replace proper medical treatment. It's essential to seek professional medical advice and follow evidence-based treatment plans for any cognitive issues. CCCOD sufferers tend to stray from healthy lifestyles as one of the many fictitious thoughts they maintain, and believing they know better than doctors, they will treat all manner of illnesses with homespun remedies, taking medication meant for animals, (such as during COVID), and praying to Jesus until they die.
Lastly, the idea that CCCODs and belief in Christianity are unrelated is the same as saying smoking and lung cancer are coincidental. Christianity is not just a risk factor; it is the highest risk factor. While not every Christian will suffer a severe cognitive disease, every CCCOD sufferer is a Christian.
The Most Common CCCOD: Christian Cranal to Anal Loopback Syndrome
Overview, Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis, & Treatment
Overview
A chronic cognitive disorder, infecting sufferers with a belief in a mysterious, unverifiable entity, who created the earth and sent his son, also unverifiable, to die cruelly to save the world. Sufferers believe eternal salvation occurs by praying to the entity and man. Left untreated, CCALS sufferers become unwilling to accept facts, excrete toxic mental flatulence in rants about God’s existence, desire to control women’s bodies, and attempt to infect other people with CCALS while ignoring all other real social problems. Eventually, untreated sufferers will become intolerable as friends, acquaintances, coworkers, family members, or live in a remote shack, trolling the internet, believing they fight a holy war against an invisible enemy often named “Atheist, Homosexual, Feminist, Chinese, or Jewish.” Note: all names are often simultaneously used by sufferers who believe a conspiracy to destroy them exists.
- Very common — more than half of the US population
- Requires no testing as suffers are easily diagnosed in the first stage by sudden onset of sanctimonious talk, second stage angry online rants, and third stage delusions of persecution
- Duration: years or a lifetime
- More common in older Americans but can infect any age group
- Affects men and women
- Family history tremendously increases the likelihood.
Causes
Exposure to CCALS sufferers, pretending to read the bible, listening to evangelists, entertaining any intelligent design belief, attending a Trump rally, and going to church.
Symptoms
First stage CCALS suffers typically show a mindless smiling they attribute to being saved by the imaginary entity, his son, and an ambiguous ghost that the suffer believes are all the same thing, yet somehow different. In this stage, sufferers often prove annoying with constant conversations about their great church, their great preacher, and how great they feel from being saved.
In the second stage, sufferers show symptoms of frustration with those they believe are unsaved and stubbornness to reasonable requests to stop aggravating people with their holier-than-thou Jesus talk. Sufferers begin attending church more often and socialize almost exclusively with other sufferers.
Third-stage sufferers display a myriad of symptoms, and the following description is in no way complete. Sufferers may become happy half-wits, who despite experiencing no changes in life, irritate everyone with the greatness of their god. In other sufferers, anger manifests into gun hoarding, living in a trailer in the middle of nowhere while waiting for some speculative coming apocalypse, and trolling the internet arguing against evolution, abortion, and liberals. All third stage sufferers exhibit a complete unwillingness to listen to reason or anyone who does not believe in God or Jesus.
Diagnosis
CCALS has clear, vast symptomology and requires any two of the following criteria for positive diagnosis:
- Believing the earth was created by an unseen, unprovable entity based on natural occurrences that seem complex such as the workings of a person’s excretory system or eye
- Mindless happiness for imaginary salvation after having someone dunk you in a hot tub or pour water on your head
- Making outlandish claims to prove points such as, “It’s in the Bible!” or “Jesus said so.”
- Believing evolutionary biologists and scientists are liars because a preacher holding no degree in science says so
- Believing anything an evangelist says
- Made their kid homeless for being gay and believes they are a good Christian for doing so
- Subjecting homosexuals to dangerous, ineffective conversion therapies, believing this course of action prudent based on the bible or a preacher’s word
- Believes fighting to use the N-word is a worthy freedom of speech cause while declaring BLM protestors “terrorists”
- Says, “all lives matter” while arguing that Blacks would not get killed if they didn’t commit crimes; attacking Asians as retribution for the Coronavirus; and/or passing laws allowing discrimination against homosexuals
- Believing the earth is less than twelve thousand years old
- Hanging around other self-righteous people who also believe in the same salvation they cannot prove
- The unwavering belief that non-Christians are warring with Christians
- A desire to end all abortion, regardless of women’s rights or health
- Believing God charged men with the responsibility to lead women through life
- Storming the capital or protesting in a belief that an enemy usurped their voting rights despite no evidence while feeling justified in limiting other people’s voting rights
- Identifying as a Republican, conservative, or Christian
- Hoarding guns because everyone is coming to take their guns
- Intolerance to race, sexuality, foreigners, and non-Christians
- Showing gratitude to God for allowing them to live in squalor
- Believing Trump is a good president despite all evidence to the contrary
- Believing rewarding rich people with more financial benefits somehow trickles down to society’s poorest members
- Believing a homosexual agenda in America threatens Christians
- Believing climate change is a leftist lie.
- (See the Republican party platform, call the KKK, visit the Christian Nationalist Website, or attend any Christian church for more symptoms.)
Treatment
Despite a readily accessible and free cure, most Christians continue suffering CCCOD since they are unable to admit they have an ignorance disease. As a result of this circumstance, most sufferers go about life acting like idiots and endangering others with their asinine ideas.
Untreated Christians who believe President Trump won the 2020 election. Luckily these folks are wearing
helmets to protect them from injuring themselves. Like all CCCOD treatments, helmets do not cure
CCCOD.
Removal of Christianity allows evacuation of irrationality and begins healing cognitive constipation caused by CCALS. However, removal is made difficult by the sufferers’ belief they are good, healthy, well-adjusted people not needing treatment. Early-stage removal of Christianity is more effective than in later stages, which becomes chronic.
The only known cure for CCALS is removal of all Christianity from the sufferer's life.
Case Study of the Republican Disease: Conservatism is Not a Death Sentence
Bill’s Story
Bill entered the office as the doctor stood, motioning to a chair. “Please, Bill, have a seat.”
“Thanks, doc. I got to tell you I’m a little worried. Normally, my annual tests come back, and one of the nurses calls to let me know everything turned out fine. You can imagine my surprise when they called to set another appointment.”
Doctor Paul answered, “I know, Bill. I’m sorry for making you worry, but we needed to go over your test results.”
Bill let out a nervous laugh, “You have me worried now.”
Dr. Paul leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “Bill, I have some bad news. Your results came back positive for conservatism.”
Laughing in disbelief, “Nah, that couldn’t be. I feel fine.”
“Bill, you might only be feeling the minor effects of this disease since you are in Stage II. Luckily, we caught it in time and can stop the spread.”
Bill leaned back in his chair. “Damn, how did this happen?”
Dr. Paul tapped the desk. “Let me ask you something, Bill; have you recently joined a church?”
“I did. My life was feeling a little incomplete, so I decided to go to this nice Christian church down the street.”
“Well, there you go, Bill. Church put you directly in Stage II.”
“But it was just one time; how could this happen? What does this mean? What happens next?”
Dr. Paul stood and turned, pointing to a diagram on the wall behind him. “Bill, many of us, perhaps all of us, are born with the risk of this insidious illness. We don’t know the exact causes of conservatism, but some suspect it is genetic and dormant in all humans, waiting for a catalyst to awaken the disease. You likely experienced symptoms for some time but didn’t notice. I’m going to read you Stage One’s symptoms, and you will readily know if you’ve been symptomatic leading to Stage Two. Have you experienced any of these issues: anger over your property taxes, jilted by a girlfriend, wanting to believe in god despite knowing the silliness of such an idea, finding yourself reading Christian websites that make no sense but seem comforting; are any of these sounding familiar, Bill?”
Bill shook his head. “Damn, my property taxes did increase, and my girlfriend left me. Almost all of those apply to me.”
Dr. Paul nodded. “That explains it.” He turned, pointing to the diagram again. “See, going to Church hurled you into Stage II. You likely experienced some of these symptoms also: have you felt angry at women for standing up for themselves despite knowing you would do the same thing if the situation were reversed, like receiving lower pay or being treated subserviently? Have you felt despise towards homosexuals, or any sexuality, for no good reason? Oh, and here is an important one: have you found yourself denying racial injustice as a liberal media exaggeration despite people murdered as a result of racism?”
With a look of panic, Bill stammered, “Doc, you just nailed everything I’ve been feeling lately. My God, what do I do?”
Dr. Paul raised his hand. “Whoa, Bill. It’s alright. Conservatism is not a death sentence. The chance of recovery is excellent if treated timely and properly. We’ve come a long way in treatment since the days of committing people to Klan Meetings to hopelessly live out their days in a blind, nonsensical rage. If you were in Stage Four, things would be different.”
“That’s a relief, Doc. Stage Four sounds pretty bad.”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat the situation, Bill, because you need to know what you’re up against. If you start feeling the need to turn your will and life over to the care of Jesus Christ and find yourself arguing the validity of the evolutionary theory, you will be well on your way to Stage Three.”
“That sounds awful, doc.”
“It is, Bill. Conservatism is nothing to fool around with. Let’s go over some Stage Three symptoms to know what to look for if the disease metastasizes. Now, other symptoms include suddenly screaming ‘whore’ when women decline to date you, referring to scientists as ‘evilutionists’, and arguing god’s existence based on the uncompelling, unprovable, pseudo-theory of intelligent design.” The doctor shuffled some papers on the desk and continued, “Ah, here are some other important symptoms to be aware of: arguing against abortion for the sake of pro-life while staunchly defending the death penalty. Feeling fondness for anything pertaining to President Trump, such as wearing MAGA hats or thinking he’s an American success story despite bankrupting a casino: an act as successful as going broke owning a goldmine.”
“I’ll be sure to look for those.” Bill nodded.
“Good, Bill. Good. Now, in rare cases, conservatism can be fast-growing, and we need to watch for the Stage Four symptoms also because sometimes it skips right past Stage Three.”
“That’s scary.” Bills face broadened in fear.
“Don’t worry, Bill. It’s rare. You just need to be aware because the symptoms occur suddenly.”
“Yes, doctor.”
Dr. Paul flipped papers on his desk and descended a list with his finger, reading, “Beware of the sudden intense urge to purchase a double-wide trailer in the middle of nowhere to stockpile guns because the communist conspiracy in government wants to take your possessions — despite no one wanting your guns or double-wide. Make sure you also report any of the following: sudden attendance at a Republican Convention, the urge to storm the Capital, any thoughts of the Proud Boys and Neo-Nazis being good guys defending the freedom of speech, and sudden outbursts of racism or Christian Nationalist diatribe, which are really the same thing.”
“I’ll be sure to look for those symptoms, doc.”
“Good, Bill. Now, perhaps most important, if you start creating fake social media profiles of black men or black women in an attempt to sound credible when posting claims of blacks being more racist than whites, you must immediately go to the hospital. For that matter, any form of digital impersonation meant to reinforce conservative nonsense warrants a visit to the ER.”
“Jesus Christ! I had no idea conservatism could make someone so crazy. I’ll be wary of those symptoms. What is the treatment?”
Dr. Paul sat in his chair and leaned back. “Well, Bill, we’re going to start with cultural immersion therapy.”
“What’s that?”
“Cultural immersion therapy fights the disease of conservatism by submerging you in reality. I am prescribing you some volunteer work and not some bullshit at your local church, helping other supposed Christians. No, you need to assist people not living in a facade of righteousness and volunteer at a hospital or deliver for Meals on Wheels. There you can meet, help, and learn to appreciate all races and creeds instead of objectifying them as racial, sexual, or gender issues you nonsensically believe mean to harm you.”
“Wow. That’s good, doc. That sounds really good.”
“It is good, Bill. Very good.” Dr. Paul smiled.
Combating Ignorance & Promoting Understanding of Christian Cognitive Diseases
Don't let Christianity turn you into a puppet-like, raving lunatic!
In a world filled with misinformation, it's important not to jump to conclusions about our cognitive health. CCCODs are serious diseases of ignorance and should be treated by mental health professionals. By adopting critical critical thinking, seeking accurate information, and consulting healthcare professionals, we can separate fact from fiction and promote a better understanding of stupidity risks of Christianity.
Let's combat ignorance by educating ourselves and others, supporting reliable sources of information, and advocating for a total abstinence from Christianity. Remember, knowledge is power, and in the case of cognitive diseases, it can lead to a brighter, less stupid future for all.
Stop the spread of CCCOD! If you, or someone you know, exhibits the symptoms of a CCCOD, seek, or urge them to seek, professional assistance as soon as possible.
